A Major Fault in My Work Ethic

I recently realized that I have a major work ethic problem. It's one that no one knows, except me, and maybe a select few nearest to my more raw thought processes. And now anyone reading this. The flaw is that my performance directly correlates with what I am getting paid. That's a major problem.

What it means is that when I get paid $15 per hour, I give you $15 per hour worth of work. It means I tailor my efforts, the skills I offer, and the percentage of my skillset that I offer as part of my work day. At $15 per hour, you get the guy who can basically write a sentence or two, will be there physically when needed, and will offer generally friendly service when prompted.

At $15 per hour, what you do not get is the guy who comes up with new ideas for new projects, researches new approaches to problems, polishes all correspondence to a professional grade, maybe seeks funding, fixes anything from computer-based problems to human interaction problems in a workplace. You don't get the photographer, the researcher, or the guy who gives a flying shit about your lackluster organization's mission. You get Me Lite.

And there's a reason I do this. I have a huge range of skills. I have nearly four college degrees, including advanced research and writing work at the master's level. I can edit, write, research, tackle technical problems, and be the polished social face of your organization. If you're going to pay me a retail wage, you just bought a Corvette, but didn't keep enough money for gas and insurance. Congratulations, the Corvette you just bought is now a garage ornament. Whoopsies. Guess you should have bought a used Corolla and put gas in it instead, huh?

My bad attitude is real. And it exists for a reason: I didn't just spend the years of my life from Preschool through a dual-master's degree and ten years of professional experience to make retail wages. 25 years of my life in school for sub-restaurant wages. Do the math.

On the bright side, when someone pays a wage compensatory with my skills and investment, I give them the keys to the tool shed. I'll be your PR face, your troubleshooter, your think-tank, AND your grant writer. I'll work for you and I will work hard. I will even work more hours than I am contracted and I will do it with a f##king smile. I'll even drink coffee and offer you turbo-mode and the guy who can plan for the future and fill in for you when you take vacation.

Am I a sell out for having this bad attitude problem? You bet. I didn't spend 25 years in school because I thought it would be a good idea to make peanut wages and offer all those skills that I just wasted all those years practicing so I could get a "good job." By the way, a "good job" is one that pays enough to own an average house and a modest, yet brand-new car. By the way squared; That's not $15 per hour. And by the way cubed; $15 per hour is not enough to live in a shitty apartment anymore.

So, the moral of the story here is that I do have a bad attitude. I am entitled. And I have a major fault in my work ethic. You can buy me for just about any price, but you're going to get a tailored skillset with varying pay levels. If you can afford the Corvette, but not the insurance or gas, you just bought a Corvette that will sit in the garage and look pretty. If you can afford the gas and insurance, too, you just got the rock star that is going to make your mission sing.

You might be wondering what I actually think I'm worth? How can I quantify that? Here's how: I spent over 6 years in college, more like 7 if you consider all the classes I took between undergrad and grad. I worked my ass off for my degrees and gained professional experience all along the way. What am I worth? I'm worth the total amount that my degrees cost as an annual income every year and I am worth an above average income as an above-average-educated individual. Sorry. It sucks, but it's just how I work. I would rather be homeless than work for some donkey dick who undervalues their employees. There can be no altruism in the work life.

So, just like software, I come in Lite, Professional, and Ultimate editions -- and you can opt for which version of me you get. Interestingly, my highest level isn't even expensive -- it's just a reasonable, middle-class wage.